Someone who fakes a smile, when all they want to do is cry and disappear

You hold my hand,

I was speechless

And I smiled beside you

While you fall into a deep slumber

I call your name slowly,

Sit next to me

And look into my eyes

I fell in love with you

I don’t know how

I don’t know why

I just did

But, my eyes shed tears

When you wake up you call her name

And you smile to me

After you send a message to her

Thank you, dear

 Your eyes can’t lie to me

 They told me that you loved her

-paf

In the morning, I woke up and meet other people just like what everyone else did. Doing homework every day like all my friends did. And doing stuff like any ordinary person would do. I think what we do basically are the same. But why did I feel so empty, lonely, and sad unlike the people I know. But I don’t know why I feel that way. Sometimes, I can suddenly be sad, and sometimes I can get easily happy. i can laugh when there’s something funny. But I can cry too, when I’m alone or listening to a sad song. I like watching people outside, carrying out their respective activities: people walk away, people talk and laugh together, but I can just smile looking at them. I’m confused why I can’t be like them.

Day by day throughout my life, I always try to make my life happier, by entertaining myself. But, in the end that has no result. I still have the same feeling. Easy to get sad, suddenly feel bad, doesn’t have any energy, lazy to do anything, until deadlines are hovering on my head.

And one day I met with a group of people who work with me. We talked about our jobs and what we will do in the future. We planned and came up with a good way to achieve our goals. And I’m glad to meet them. We shared our idea and accepted one another. When I’m with them, I feel appreciated and I’m grateful for that. I came to realize, I need them. I need People to care for me, Listen to me, Or just sit beside me. I need a friend who understands me. And I know that everyone has the same feeling like me. There will be a time when we need all of this.

I’m awakened because of them. They listen to my story and they give me a solutions. Not instead of laughing and insulting me for it. It looks like there’s still someone who cared for me. It made me realized that there’s someone who can accept me as I am, appreciate my presence, and be my friend. We like to joke around but we still respect each other.  

Now, i know why I feel depresse eventhough it’s not. Sometimes I overthink what People said about me. Actually, I tried to forget what they said and I thought that I could ignore it. But, no. The more people talk about me, the more i think about it. Eventhough they said it was a joke, but it was not for me since I take it seriously. It’s not funny and it was very annoying.

Sometimes people forget that when they joke around too much they might be bullying them.   You have to know guys, that event though we smile and tell you that “it’s okay” we are actually not fine with it. We did those just because we didn’t want to look pathetic in front of you. I’m sure there’s people out there that ever feel the same as me.

From this story, I wanted to tell you how important it is to appreciate the people around you.  Everybody need this and everyone deserves it. So please watch your mouth and be careful of what you said. Stop  judging or bullying people. Don’t make jokes to make people laugh at them. And what ever is it. Please don’t do it.

If we know that appreciating people is better than judging them, why would we have to bully or judge them? Better we give motivation and enthusiasm to them, it sounds better in calming down self.

So, just stay lovely and be nice to everyone.

-paf